I nod knowingly in response to comments from the bench. The Judge sure is in good shape.
It would be nice to stay fit, but who has time? How do these Judges stay in shape? They must get off at 3:30 to go to the gym.
You know who is in great shape? Tom Else and Jim McCluskey. They compete in triathlons like the Iron-Man in Hawaii. So I could move to Hawaii and host them while they compete. Wait; I could compete with them.
The Judge is admonishing the witness to pay attention. I squint approvingly.
Of course I can’t really even run a mile. But I enjoy sport shakes. I’ll just have one of those and say I competed in a triathlon. Then I’ll set up a satellite office in Hawaii and train after court.
Then again, who can afford to live in Hawaii? I bought a newspaper there once for $4.00! How can I afford a $4.00 newspaper every morning when I have to leave work at 3:30 to hit the gym and keep up with Tom, Jim, and these Judges?
Not that I became a lawyer to make money. No, it’s all about helping people and serving justice.
Serving up tender, juicy patties of justice with a side of fries. No wait, that isn’t justice. I’m hungry. When are we going to break for lunch?
"Your Honor, what time is lunch again? And it will be how long? An hour?"
More like 30 minutes once you factor in the lines at the cafeteria … I mean, Café DuPage. What do I want to eat anyway? Better decide now. Maybe something healthy like a salad with
beets in sweet syrup
Now that’s healthy.
Wait — I’ll just go for a cheeseburger and French-fries. Do we still call them French-fries or is that unpatriotic? Freedom fries?
Okay, focus. This Editor’s Page has to make up for last month’s lame installment. But what if it’s too late?
"I’m sorry Your Honor, you were saying? I missed that last part" I rub my chin thoughtfully as the Judge repeats the speech. The Judge is not pleased.
What if people disliked the September Editor’s Page so much that they stop reading the Brief altogether? We could lose readers, advertisers. The publication board would go into full revolt.
I would have to move; change my name; learn a new trade; begin from scratch. Wait; I’m over-reacting. The Brief will be fine as long as I don’t ramble aimlessly in my Editor’s Page or rely on some ridiculous gimmick again.
"Thank you Your Honor, I was listening this time." I fold my arms approvingly and start thinking about dinner and my ever-expanding waistline.
Now what was I going to write for my Editor’s Page again? Maybe something with a clever title like "One Minute Inside a Lawyer’s Head." Nah – nobody would go for that.